Saturday, 13 February 2010

..70 and lonely..

..my eldest brother is 70..and  a lonely man since losing his wife two months ago due to breast cancer..he pines for company..and a wife.. his only daughter through a previous marriage is now a grandmother, leading a quiet life in a small village on the outskirts of Kota Bharu..and his only son with the deceased is in Kemaman, a clerk with Perwaja..he is 25 and single..having only two children does not ease the loneliness..

'Can't you find somebody around 50 for me?' he pleaded, almost sad...aound 50? was my first reaction...why should a 50yr old youngish woman marry an oldish man of 70?..but he is my brother..so I kept my thoughts to myself...'I can try and look for someone in between the rows of tobacco fields' I joked..

'Why not?' asked my wife, when I broached her the situation..better than getting a maid..she was thinking what I was thinking..yes, better than a maid..and she reeled of instances of elders who remarried after losing their spouses due to death..there are quite a number in Bachok...a few older than my brother..led by a couple both aged above 70 and both taken ill a month after marriage, much to the unhappiness of their respective children, who were against the marriage in the first place....against myself I laughed, finding the situation comical..I should not, of course..I could very well be looking at my own future..

'You don't know what its like waking  up nights to leak alone,' were the words he said in jest..but there was no twinkle in his eyes..and  for once, I sighed...

14 comments:

Oldstock said...

Salam Pakmat,

My father-in-law re-married when my late MIL passed away in 1998. None of the children objected, at least not visibly anyway. But the underlying reason was obvious, he needs someone to keep him company.

And today, it is this new wife that is looking after him.

If I was in the same situation, I would probably do the same. I wish your brother luck in finding a new jodoh, insyaallah.

Kama said...

I concur with Oldstock. If it is fated that I meet my Maker first, I would want my husband to remarry so that his well-being is taken care of. We women are more self-reliant and adaptable compared to men when faced with this kind of situation. I wish your brother all the best; I hope he will find the companionship he seeks.

hani@debumelukut said...

wish u luck..find someone who is willing to look after him, be with him, love him and beat the loneliness...

Cat-in-Sydney said...

Abe Mat dear,
Hmmmm...can't think of anyone who can fit that bill. None of my fav aunties are single. I don't know how to manouver a gobek. Not that I'm 50 something. teeheehee... purrr....meow!

lim kit malam said...

Dengar ustad berjenaka masa bagi ceramah: "Laki mati bini tak sama dengan bini mati laki" katanya. Bini mati laki, boleh duduk dengan anak-anak, tak kiralah anak lelaki atau anak perempuan. Laki mati bini, tiga hari keluar air-mata, lepas tiga hari keluar air-liur.

pakmat said...

..salam Oldstock, Lady Kama, hani and CatiS..thank you, guys for your comments and suggestions..I realised that jodoh is not something we can just pick if off the shelves..:)..tho there are some who had more jodoh than others..:)..and there those who somehow did not meet theirs for the whole of their lifetime.. they came near it, but somehow just did not get to it..sometimes whatever plans we have in mind run in contra to His plans..and He has better plans...and as for my bro..?..I think I'll let him be..he must have some faith in himself..and the Almighty..

pakmat said...

..salam lim kit malam..benar kata tuan..:) mungkin kerana sifat dan tabei lelaki untuk tidak duduk bersama anak-anak..sifat keibuan bersama wanita..dalam kes abang saya..saya rasa beliau bukan sahaja merindui isterinya..tapi persahabatan diantara mereka..sentuhan, bau dan suara saorang wanita..saat mesra teman dan menemani..tetiba dia keseorangan dirumah..siang membawa sunyi dan malam membawa sepi..dan jodoh bermaksud berpasangan..mana mungkin jodoh menjadi untuknya kalau tiada wanita yang sanggup..?

mamadou said...

Assalamu'alaikum Pak Mat

My eldest brother also faces similar predicament quite afew years ago after his wife passed away. All his children against it. However relented later. Yeah he need somebody as companion as lonely kills.

Thanks for your prompt comment on my Kora submission as I just uploaded it and now I have youtube of Toumani Diabate, a Malian kora master. I have one here in Bamako

bangkai said...

pakmat

When the time comes, or of it comes, your brother will find a mate. In the meantime, what we can do is to wish (doa) what is best for him.What we think is good for him might not be so; what we think is bad for him maybe turn out to be what he needs.
But I suspect you already know this, sir

Ozz said...

Feelings....ow..ow..ow...feelings....

mamasita said...

Whatever it is, jangan salah pilih..nanti jadi burden pulak..cari perlahan2..mesti ada..sembahyang hajat..

pakmat said...

..salam Mamadou..even there in Mali, Africa?..but then being lonely cuts across all borders..and generally, initial reactions of children are the same everywhere..you take care over there, mamadou..and yes, Toumani is indeed a kora master..

..Sofi..I wished you would dropped referring to me as 'sir'..:) makes this old man uncomfortable..a span of 20 yrs does not make the elder any wiser or the younger any less..since I have gone way beyond the 'abang'era..a 'pakmat' is both genial and almost courting the doors of being loving..:)and matchmaking is risky business..invariably my attempts at matchmaking failed..I can point..but the rest is up to him..

pakmat said...

,,ye Ozz..its all about feelings..:)

salam mamasita..no, no hurry..I just let the word around and see what gives..for jodoh is not something that can be forced..kalau ada, ada..kalau tiada..alhamdullilah..

rizal hashim said...

When my Mak passed away at the age of 51, Ayah slept in the living room for almost two months.

"You don't understand what it feels like losing your life partner of 28 years," he said when i kept on asking him tidur la dalam bilik ayah...

my late Ayah was the typical and traditional dad as he grew up when the demarcation of duties between husbands and wives was clearly drawn...I used to joke that his only contribution at the kitchen was to masak air....

Upon Mak's demise, I saw how ayah struggled to goreng ikan masin just to satisfy his cravings...so much so i took it upon myself to help whenever i could...

less than three months after Mak's passing, ayah was introduced to an Ustazah my sister's age...who bears a slight resemblance to Mak...

the kids were not totally agreeable to the idea but we of course relented. ayah needed a companion...that was the general sentiment


so clad in baju melayu my brother and i witnessed the akad nikah in Batu Pahat...

two years later Ayah passed away in his sleep, leaving Makcik to fend for herself with a kid yet to turn two...and another one born eight months after his passing

my siblings and i were accepted as part of the huge family at kg sengkuang, i got married there even pakmat.

today, makcik has remarried...but we consider him as our mak...though Mak was irreplaceable, Makcik has a special place in our hearts too...

Salam Jumaat Pakmat