Thursday, 3 December 2009

..others' husbands..

..no gal in her right mind would marry a married-man..the idea itself is abhorring and repulsive..asked any girl and her spontaneous reaction would be, like as if there is no other male..translation from Malay, macam takada jantan lain..

..of course, there are the razor-bladers, out and on the prowl for preys of wealth..but they are few and easy to spot..but what about those where the men are not really of means, not much influence, either.. neither sporting signs of affluence..? and yet they formed the majority of polygamists..ordinary guys on the street..or simple kampung folks..

..in Bachok, men who worked the soil, look after orchards, plant padi, tobacco..with a few heads of cows and goats...illegal taxi-drivers, night-market operators...they are attracting girls enough to want them to marry these husbands of other women..

..what it it that drove them to do what they find repulsive..?

..someone said that men after forty are philanderers..men are philanderers at any age..it is just a matter of recognizing them and keeping your distance when meeting them..and these days, checking up the background of anyone is easy as abc..just needs a little initiative..

..is it because the attraction is too great?..they say men of power are irresistible to gals..but these men have not the power to attract a piece of dead weed...no..it must be something else..

..maybe there is some truth in this pre-ordained stuff..after all as you are breathed life in your mother's womb, death also comes with it..and your life's bounty..

..pakmat used to be a polygamist..take it from this ole mule's mouth...it's not easy..getting married is easy..but from then on, it is one helluva roller-coaster ride that left me spin-dried of emotions..just numb..but then, men tend to carry more load than they could..and women seldom says what they want.

12 comments:

hazeleyed said...

Ass-salam PakMat
I guess woman can never be man... vice versa. and that's what makes life interesting.Live and let live.
Have an enjoyable weekend PakMat.

nataliaku said...

man always be a man, so do with the women.. :)
have a nice day PakMat..

Justiffa said...

I have been exposed to both sides of the coin thru my own mother.. i have seen her in the role of a first wife as well as that of a 2nd, twice. More than anything it drives home the fact that nothing is totally black or white, right or wrong.

Women, as well as men, do what they do for a myriad of reasons be it good or bad, but to me topping the list is the simple fear of loneliness, of not wanting to go thru life alone.

Which doesnt actually make it alright but such is life. i just hope God spares me such fate.

Anonymous said...

The complexities of human behaviour
escapes me.
We know the right and wrong and yet we do the same mistakes,running headlong ....most of the time to self destruction.

Take care Pak Mat... jaga anak cucu tu, musim hujan ni
Aini

pakmat said...

..salam hazel..no..we can never be the other..but we can complement each other..and thats what its all about..and you, too have a nice weekend..

nataliaku..great words, young lady..:)..have a nice day..and never for a minute lose sight of your target..

salam justi..allow me again to use a bad metaphor..:)..no one planned for an accident to happen..its a common highway out there..you drive yr way..I drive mine..both keeping to the rules..but once in a while accidents happened..
now, we can come out of the car with a parang, shout viles and vituperations, in which case..it will be a very dreary affair..suits and counter-suits..accusations and counter-accusations..
..or..we can get together, assess the damage..and try to work out a deal..the keyword is arbitration..your fault, my fault..who cares?..my car pulp like an accordian, yours no better..responsibility can emanates from irresponsibility..
..ow..pakmat harangues aimlessly..forgive me, justi..its an old wound..:)..but once the car repaired..let's learn from it and be a better driver..(to use that metaphor again..:))

Oldstock said...

Salam Pakmat,

Just to touch on your point of no right-minded girl would want to marry another woman's husband...

That would be the ideal choice if she is offered such. But in many cases, fate deals her a card of meeting a man who is already owned by someone else. And if such a man has the attributes that warms her heart or, to put in Malay, yang berkenan di hati, is it wrong for her to try her luck? After all, a man's love for his wife is not exclusive, no matter what the wife says.

To answer critics who say `macam takde jantan lain', she could answer that `ya, memang takde jantan lain... yang ada budi pekerti semulia lelaki ini.' The man may really be just an ordinary simple guy like Pakmat has mentioned, but to the girl, he is worth it, despite knowing the hassle she has to face from the first wife, from her own family and from the community.

Her simple hope is to `sekadar tempat menumpang kasih.' But to a married woman, her man is hers alone. Sharing is not in her vocabulary... and therein lies the key to the problem.

I take it that the tough times for Pakmat in sharing your love is now over. But I'm sure you tried and did your best, kan? Stay healthy, Pakmat.

p/s - what I wrote up there is not from personal experience :-)

Uncle Lee said...

Hello Pakmat, YOU da man! I am glad I never crossed paths with you, ha ha....but what you posted, betul tu. I too sometimes wonder....
di sini pun tengok tu Mat Salleh SYTs....kawain certain peoples, make me raise eyebrow, ha ha.

Pakmat, your comment in my pondok dapat compliments from my visitors, ha ha...senang datang. Lee.

ruby ahmad said...

Hi PakMat,

Hopped over from U Lee's blog. Wow! Thank you for your lovely compliments there. As it is I have not been able to feel the ground yet..ha ha.

Ahh...what an interesting subject & it has been an age old problem that can never be solved by society except by the individuals themselves.

To me, I think the parameters to do polygamy is not well understood generally by people. People are selective about what they need to know & what they need to do when they go into this realm, that makes it all wrong. Oh enough said.

But you are so right...'getting married is easy..but from then on, it is one helluva roller-coaster ride..'...yes I know a few friends who have spilled & told me life have not been that great after all sharing a man with another wife or wives!! He he...

Nur said...

salam
bila mulut melafazkan "aku terima nikah si pulan binti si pulan dgn mas kahwinnya RM.... tunai" saksi pun berkata "SAH" maka jadilah engkau wahai kaum adam memikul tanggungjawabmu sebagai suami yg adil serta dapat membimbing isterimu ke jln yg di redhai allah...

maaf pakman... nur tak bijak mengomen cuma berkongsi seciput saja kata2.. salam semua

pakmat said...

..salam aini..
..I think Oldstock has a good point..sometimes things happened without us wanting it to happen..the responsibility lies with the husband, of course..and pakmat failed..miserably..

..salam Oldstock..
..spoken like a true professional that you are..perhaps that is the point that I wanted to make, but not able to find the words to say it..
..I should have blog first and polygamised later..could learn a point or two..and yes, I tried..very hard to make it work..but without support from the 1st, it was doomed to failure..
..you sure it is not from personal experrience..?..:)take care and be healthy, oldstock..thanks..

..hi, Uncle Lee..
..sorry late reply..sometimes even old coots got tied up..whatever compliments this old man received it is because of you, Lee..sometimes you inspire me..
..keep well, lee..

..hi Ruby..
..but you are vivacious..pakmat will be a constant visitor from now on..
..getting in is easy..yes..getting out does not make it easier..lagi susah ada..
..but you keep well, ruby..

Cat-in-Sydney said...

Dear Pakmat,
What an interesting subject, and very heavy for this cat. purrr.... Polygamy is illegal here but having a de facto partner is not. Thus, we know of some among the Muslim community here that practice polygamy under the guise of "de facto"-ness.
Will visit more often. We love your "whiskers".... purrr...meow!

Angelina & Brad

pakmat said...

..salam Nur..thank you for stepping in an old man's domain..what you said is comment enough..sicipuk kata..seribu maana..

Hi, Cat..Even there in Australia..?..de facto or not, its the same here..:)..