Saturday, 17 April 2010

..my elder brother, Jo..

...he's getting lonelier  by the day..when he came to see me this morning, there were tears in his heart and lament on his face..he was also almost a destitute..he had sold the house that he built with his late wife and moved into her inherited home, which he later pulled down with the intention of building a better one on it..now, out of work and strapped for cash, he has no where to stay..whatever the alternatives, they are not good..and he got no one to blame but himself..


..'I am lonely, Mat..' He let his voice trailed as he toyed with the roti canai sardine..I devoured mine. It was nine in the morning and I was hungry..He needed to be lectured, and I am going to need all my strength..He needed a wife..but wives don't come easy at his age..being a Class F contractor, he also needed jobs..but jobs do not come easy, too...not matter your age..I looked at this pitiful sight of an old man and tried to feel his sorrow..he is my  brother, after all..but I might as well be looking at a stranger...


..there were no early memories between us..we grew up separately, moving in different worlds..fate has taken us along different paths.only as adults did it crossed...but he is my brother, nonetheless..my very own flesh and blood..and he was telling me that last night he slept in a mosque..against myself I sighed as he took out a cigarette to light...Saat..living life out by the seconds before death embraces us all, I pondered..


..Will you quit smoking?..I was  thinking aloud..he heard it and pushed back the stick into the box..he has outlived his time..and nothing can pushed him back into his past..he was silent as my words flowed..he has to find his peace..with himself..and with his Creator..I ignored his tears that filled his eyes..


'I am lonely, Mat'...I never felt so helpless....God..whatever Your plans for this servant of Yours, please, let him find his peace...

13 comments:

hazeleyed lady said...

Ass-salam pakmat
Mendoakan agar abang pakmat tabah dengan segala ujiaNya dan dilindungi Allah sentiasa.

Kama said...

oooo dear... despite all his foolishness (if at all), to be old & lonely, homeless and destitute to boot, is far too much for one person to take, although I know there are many in a similar quandary.

semoga ditabahkan hatinya dalam menghadapi dugaan yang amat pahit ini.

mekyam said...

too saddened for words, so allow me to ditto puteri kama.

pakmat said...

..thank you for the sympathy, guys..and ladykama, you read well between the lines..:) he made several bad decisions..but now it is too late..and he is pining for company..having not gotten over the lost of his wife..whom, during her lifetime, was his anchor..he is adrift without her..not much I can do..except pray that he will find his peace..

Tisa Fahmy said...

Psychologically, find a wife...for him..not for you, ya.. :p

Tisa Fahmy said...

...Here yee here yee.. Should I start my own blog now. Queen of Spade has spoken.

Anonymous said...

We are stepping on holy land.Be humble.Have Allah been cruel to be kind?

rizal hashim said...

Salam PakMat, air dicincang takkan putus. Somethings are just beyond us PakMat. But its a heart-tugging piece. mendalam...

Oldstock said...

Pakmat,

I am sorry for not being able to offer any words that may help in your brother's situation. Which is why I am putting things in my own personal context... it is sometimes useful to practice being alone for now, while there is still that chance. Not that I do not love my other half in deciding to leave her behind, but perhaps that I love her too much to be able to consider a replacement, when such a time does come.

pakmat said...

..thank you, lc..and oldstock, its ok,,we tend to love our halves too much..:) as did my brother..

Tommy Yewfigure said...

Hi Pakmat,

I hope all are well with you.I haven't seen u much around lately.

Well, life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out
When you think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face.

That's what life is all about, what will be will be. I like to think we r all in good Almighty hand.

Salam,
Tommy

pakmat said...

..I am fine, tommy..a bit busy with routine things, but as hale and hearty as a 65yrold can be..thankyou for the concern..hope everything is fine with you,too..have not been commenting much on others' blogs, tho..:) and agreed, life has a way of taking care of itself..hopefully things will look up for my bro..with a lil bit of help, of course..what will be, will be, tommy..cheers..
p.s..and you take care, too..am enjoying your company..:)

Estrelita Soliano Grosse said...

Another great sharing. Your honesty is very refreshing. Thank you. :)