Wednesday, 2 June 2010

..back then..



..life, of course, is about making choices..God knows how many bad choices that I made..and I know that those bad choices, those wrong turnings, made me into what I am today..a bit disgruntled, a cynic, definitely..and suspicious of anyone, Greeks included, who came bearing gifts..I tend to question motives, as before I accepted most things on face value..and I learned how to say no...a bit late, yes..

..but back in 1970, I started out sincere enough..with no inclinations towards double meanings or ulterior motives..said what I mean and meant what I say..I set out to win her heart..and I was playing for keeps..that I was to break that heart that I fought so hard to win 18 years later was not in the grand design, then..I thought I have the strength to last the distance..its obvious now that I succumbed, maybe too easily, to my weaknesses..and I cannot offer any excuses..even though back then I did not started out to be BHF..best husband forever..but it was, for the most part, marital bliss..that later I was to let everyone down, Audrey, the children, friends and  kin alike, proved to a certain extent how true was her mother's fears.....

..but until the very end I was not able to convince her mother..only after marriage did she accepted me..but in 1970 I was not even able to convince Audrey..so I wrote her letters..there was no other mail apart from snail mail or hand delivered..but I wrote..letters upon letters..I poured out all of my anguish into words..it was like a firehose let loose..the words just flowed..sometimes she retaliated to the onslaught..she was, after all, an English teacher...sometimes she just ignored them..

..sometimes, she ignored me..

14 comments:

Cat-in-Sydney said...

Woohoo! This is getting more dangerous now. We want more! We want more! har har har *dark thoughts*

Zendra-Maria said...

pakmat, it WAS the excitement of the chase then?

Tommy Yewfigure said...

Hey Pakmat, this must be popular during that time & I bet u must had said;

Something Stupid

to piss off Audrey & her mom. Young & restless I supposed u were back then.

Cheers,
Tommy

P/S – I could have chosen the Frank & Nancy version but since we r in Robbie mode, why not. Kekeke Zen, pakmat like to play catching too.

Wan Sharif said...

Salam Abe Mat,
Those were the days.. young, brash, daring and in love.. infatuated??!!
Those bad choices taht you made.. biiznillah, with His izin.. redha lah..
Kalau ada sedikit kekesalan/rasa bersalah... bertaubat (kepada Allah)/mohon maaf(kepada manusia tu).. then perbaiki lah sementara masih bernyawa..

May Allah bless you and those that you loved as well ( cats included)...Sokmo Sokmo

Post Script
I am always at lost.. why Greek included.. pun intended.. just a matter of speaking.. oh I have so much to learn.

June Malik said...

habis kanlah pak mat, suspen sungguh

Pat said...

I've been playing catch-up with your posts, Pak Mat.

Very interesting reading. Can't wait for the 'next chapter' :)

I enjoyed the Robbie Williams thingy - one of the better men of the younger set, eh?

mekyam said...

pakmat,

org kelantan kata, "doh nok wak guano!"
org negeri sampuk, "apo nak dikato!"
omprancis kata, "que sera, sera!"
mekyam tambah, "dah takdir Allah taala!"
;D

Cat-in-Sydney said...

Abe Mat,
Mintak laluan nak sembang with Ayoh Wang Sharif. Hok Pak Mat mention Greek tu - I think he's referring to the idiom: beware of Greeks bearing gifts. This came from the war between the Trojans and the Greek where the Greeks purportedly left a wooden horse as a gift for the Trojans when they left the war field. The Trojans were duped, haul the horse into their citadel and the rest is history. purrrr....meow!

* courtesy of Wikingelina

Wan Sharif said...

Abe Mat,
Tumpang lalu lagi,
Thank you Angelina from Wikinglina for taking time to explain to Ayoh Wang.. Although other members of my family are tinglish (geli geleman) as far as cats are concerned: Ayoh Wang, nevertheless, loved this cat for its witty remarks and pandai berdo'oh (cleverness).
I have the feeling that Pak Mat will agree with Ayah Wan that CiS is too clever for a cat ..

pakmat said...

my dear cat...it is always dangerous, when u r in love..:)

..it is always about the chase,I think, dear zen....for once the trophy is hung, it becomes sort of an anti-climax..and life a lil bit restless until the next hunt..but we have gone past the times of hunting with a club and dragging her home/cave by the hair..have we?..

Zendra-Maria said...

but pakmat dear, the hunter gets hunted now for his litle snippets. Tomorrow we'll see another intermission hehehe...

pakmat said...

..thank you, tommy..as always, u r spot on..it was the song in 1970..and I stood in line..and practice everyday for some witty lines to say..hehe..sheesh, you jolted my memory..:) and its free flowing now..now to put it into words..

pakmat said...

..salam wan..as always, a gentle reminder from wan..:) thanks..cats included..hehhe..

hi, jun..will try..meantime keep that ice on the knee..and hope for the best..cheers..

..hi, pat..nice seeing u here..:)..maybe its time to end that rest and pick up the pen again..:)

pakmat said...

salam mekyam..in youth you do not have hindsight..in old age, you do not have anything..:)