Wednesday, 2 June 2010
..life, of course, is about making choices..God knows how many bad choices that I made..and I know that those bad choices, those wrong turnings, made me into what I am today..a bit disgruntled, a cynic, definitely..and suspicious of anyone, Greeks included, who came bearing gifts..I tend to question motives, as before I accepted most things on face value..and I learned how to say no...a bit late, yes..
..but back in 1970, I started out sincere enough..with no inclinations towards double meanings or ulterior motives..said what I mean and meant what I say..I set out to win her heart..and I was playing for keeps..that I was to break that heart that I fought so hard to win 18 years later was not in the grand design, then..I thought I have the strength to last the distance..its obvious now that I succumbed, maybe too easily, to my weaknesses..and I cannot offer any excuses..even though back then I did not started out to be BHF..best husband forever..but it was, for the most part, marital bliss..that later I was to let everyone down, Audrey, the children, friends and kin alike, proved to a certain extent how true was her mother's fears.....
..but until the very end I was not able to convince her mother..only after marriage did she accepted me..but in 1970 I was not even able to convince Audrey..so I wrote her letters..there was no other mail apart from snail mail or hand delivered..but I wrote..letters upon letters..I poured out all of my anguish into words..it was like a firehose let loose..the words just flowed..sometimes she retaliated to the onslaught..she was, after all, an English teacher...sometimes she just ignored them..
..sometimes, she ignored me..