..youth of today...

..i thought youth of today never had it so good..what with all the gadgets of modern technology at their fingertips..things I as a youth never thought could possibly exist today...

..with the advent of transistor radios in the late fifties and early sixties, that is about the only source of music for this oldster then...enjoying the Beatles and Cliff Richard through tape recorders that uses miles of tape and through the radio with two inch speakers..and records, of course..those kind in 78, 45 or 33 rpm..gadgets that came complete with record players were in the in thing back then...called radiogram, names like Grundig and Telefunken came to mind...with National from Japan competing...

..with no cellphones, messages to mon cherie de amour were sent surreptitiously.. by hand or snailmail...ages before they were received...

...these days its Friendsters...Facebook...when before it was autograph books..circulated before year end holidays...and returned to the owner filled with 'FRANCE'..friendship remains and never can end..with a hidden ITALY among the pages...I trust and love you...

..when tv came in the middle sixties, things took a turn for the better...then it was Shindig and Startrek...savoured in glorious black and white...

..but things were simple then, uncomplicated...

..a song for all the young ones out there..enjoy your youth whilst you can...

..

..to Yasmin...

..I lost a friend a few days ago...a friend that I have never met..never talked..never even exchanged a simple hello...and during her lifetime, she was not even aware that I am around..but she was a friend, nonetheless...and I know, that if I were to walk up to her and introduced myself then, she would have greeted me like a long, lost friend..

.. we moved in different worlds...but her words, her messages I received clear and loud...words and messages that I would like to leave to my children and grandchildren..that we worship this One God, Who is most Compassionate and Loving..that we are created different that we may know each other and love each other..that through Him we seek guidance and bounty...

..she taught us to laugh at ourselves and accept our idiosyncrasies....and that there are no borders to loving each other..but, above all, she taught us to be humble...and for all that and more, friend, I am forever grateful..

..a little peeved...

..am walking around feeling a bit peeved and a little bit sad...peevish at being misunderstood and misconstrued and a little sad at being accused of something uncomplimentary ...

...and I really do not mind the misconstruing part..sometimes the best of intentions get misread..and , hey, we are all humans...we make mistakes...and this old coot has stalked this little corner of planet earth long enough to know that no matter how intelligent someone is..how high and complete the paper qualifications.. it all will come to naught if we cannot accept in all humility, that humans are frail creatures...it will all comes to naught if we do not have a little bit of grace in the heart and a little bit of magninamousity in attitude to accept apologies when given...that made me sad...

..for, indeed, we are all players on a temporal stage..leaving insignificant footprints that shake not the mountains...and dry not the sea..

..wistful thoughts..

..when you came back with a degree, 3 years ago, I was quietly proud of you...but your sisters had warned me that you were in love..and I said, ok, that's a fair position to be, considering you were young...'in love with a foreigner, pa, a Thai'...I shrugged..her sister married an Englander..

...but upon being told that he helped in the kitchen at a restaurant where you had your meals in between studies and he was lil bit younger than you, I thought you had to draw the line somewhere..but even then, I kept my peace...puppy and transitory, I thought..

...every time we met at your mother's house, I tried to joke you out of it..but you were steadfast in your love for him..even as I warned you that it will be a rough ride ahead..what with both of you jobless..not that I was really worried about you..with your degree, and passable command of English, some firm will take you in..but him?..no basic qualifications to show and with a social visit pass to boot?

..he can get a job here in Kota Bharu as a cook...and I can get a job anywhere..for I will and must marry him, pa, you said...your voice soft, your doe eyes pleading..'and we can stay here..' Here meaning the house that I had left..I glanced at her mother, who would welcomed him... her silence was consent...but a PATI as a son-in-law?..I did not even know where he was from...from the restive south, you said..hmm..a refugee seeking shelter from your generous heart...

...I did not mind him being a cook...he might even make it into the Asian Food Channel..but both of you were too young...and him younger....and he was definitely not in a position to support a wife..looking at him, I did not think he was even in a position to have a girlfriend...this part man part boy stood in front of me...and I sat there with my mind racing..why is it that you keep seeing reflections of your youth in your children?...

..now, three years later, two precious and precocious grandchildren later, you tell me that it is a mistake...your marriage is falling apart... he is out of job...you do not love him anymore...he is not what you thought he is...you want out...

..no, girl, it is not that easy..yes, marriage is a gamble..but you do not gamble the lives of your children by divorcing his father...not when the girl is only a few years old and the boy babystepping...

... there is not a man born yet who can satisfy the needs and requirements of a woman..none..there will be defects..shortcomings..you just have to learn to live with it..take the rough with the smooth...

..you are chickening out, girl...jumping ship at the first sign of a storm...and you have a passenger of two...and this oldster of a grandfather is putting off meeting you...hoping somehow this aberration will disappear..

..ahh..it was only yesterday that I picked you up and duh duh you to sleep and you holding tight onto the pacifier....

..an eulogy..

.. a distant relative by marriage died the other day.. he was 53 years old.. I hardly knew him when he was alive..we moved in different circles, as it were..but as is the norm in the kampong, we visited his grieving widow and his nine children..

it was a ramshackle of a home.. rickety and bare of items normally found in most homes..just an old tv set.. a mat on the floor. .a room without a door.. and not much else..

…later I was to learn that he was a daily rated construction worker… died of a fall whilst working on the forth floor of a building.

Mak Nik, the widow, was a full time housewife. ..with nine children,. I cannot imagine her doing anything else.. leaving the burden of bringing home the money to Pak Nik..but when she has the time, she will be packing charcoals into plastic sacks in a kiln nearby owned by her brother-in-law..earning 50 cents a sack..

… come tobacco-growing season, the whole family will be out on the field..hoeing out furrows, planting seedlings, nurturing the plants and finally harvesting..bringing much needed extra dollars…

..their eldest, a son, and still single, graduated 5 years ago and is a lecturer at one of the local university.. on a piece of ancestral land, he is building a modest home not far from the existing house..with 7 other siblings in school, marriage has been postponed..

..their second child, also a son, just graduated and is teaching somewhere..

….with two sons finishing universities and at the threshold of their respective careers, things are looking up for Paknik and Maknik…all those sacrifices, toils, and sheer hard work has borne fruits..that none of his children dropped out of school is a testimony of Paknik as a father, and Maknik as a mother…their children must be very proud of them..

..but he is dead now..no doubt his wife and children will missed him..the eldest will take over the mantle..life goes on regardless..tears hidden..gathering strength from each other..

..and so, to Paknik, Al-Fatihah..may you be in a special Garden bestowed by Him..and your face shined like a thousand suns as He says Salam…Peace..from your God Who is Most Loving..

..

..today's music..

..this oldster is never into present day music..even the rare ones that raised above the miasma of forgettables are forgotten after a while..music that emanated from my sons' room only resulted in me bellowing to them to bring the volume down...with them complaining to their mother that father 'is so old'.. well, old I might be, but this old man recognises good music when he hears one..

..and one good music of my time is Matt Monroe's 'And the music played'.. the title is a bit bland by today's standard, but the song and delivery is beyond description..but, then, you be the judge..

..when songs were simpler..

..a song I grew up with...

..thought for the day..

..politics bring out the worst in every man and woman...across the board...no exception..

...singles in the city..

..hopping blogs, I came across a few put up by singles…mostly professionals…alone out there in big cities…mostly gals…highly educated…have done stints abroad…confident and good at their job…past 30 or approaching 40…intelligent and self-assured…multi-faceted talents…articulate…and a lil bit sensitive about their single status…

…as to be expected, their blogs are well-presented…witty and entertaining….I found them mostly to be a good read…humorous and frank..honest, even…

..as I read through their pathos and ethos..hopes and despairs..I cannot help but feel for them…it must have been hard…to be single in the city…doubting the smiles of friends and collegues..for it could very well be snide remarks and sniggers behind their back..innocent queries hurt..attempts to matchmake are like slivers of glass to the heart…a reproach to their self-esteem..

… but through it all, somehow, they managed to retain their sanity..managed to see the humour in every incidents..juggling at their career, and, of course, competing with men..and, at the same time, trying to see through them...city-slickers of the male species are masters at subterfuge..

…having once a daughter who decided to forge it out on her own in the big city some years ago, I truly feel for them…

…and so, to all those single gals out there, to borrow a phrase from a cyber friend, get your blades out…

..just thinking..

..I have been thinking a lot lately...when you reached my age, you tend to think a lot, I supposed..seeing that pursuits are more of the cerebral kind than of any other kind...not that the libido is totally down...God has blessed with a relatively good health...oh..a lil bit of tinnitus, some whining in the ears, but bearable and only when in a passive mode..a lil case of reducible hernia..other than that everything else is as it should be..a bit worn but functioning..the spring is gone, but the steps are steady...

...what set me thinking was a comment by a facebook friend on the state of football in the country..he said it is atributable to the general decay of society as a whole...as I mulled over his comment, I realised that he has it spot on..ours is a degenerative society...I mean, look around you...read the papers..the state of our politics..the name-calling..religious decrees are issued at a drop of a hat..people are more divided than ever before..no thanks to the politicians, whose political interest overides all...the state of our social morals..old geezer died whilst with a transvestite...infants borned in toilets and drowned in pails...pornograhic clips in every kids handphones..rempit...the list is endless..and they are all symptoms of a decaying society..

..the rot has started at the hands, feet and mouths..we have to stem it..now..before we incur the wrath of Him up there...and He might just punished us for it..looking at the state of things, maybe He has, already...

..PCB and everything Kelantanese...

..one of Kelantan well known attractions is the Beach of Passionate Love, Pantai Cinta Berahi, which the present state government, fearing its sexual connotations might pollute impressionable minds, young and old amongst them, was quick to change it to Pantai Cahaya Bulan, the Moon Light Beach, the full moon being their political symbol, after all...

...which, like the single-sex counters in supermarkets, is an exercise in futility, for locals continued to call it by its acronym, PCB, meaning Pantai Cinta Berahi...not PCB, Pantai Cahaya Bulan..

..but to the older generations like me, it is Pantai Semut Api, its original name..the Beach of Fire Ants, until sometimes in 1950 when it was renamed Pantai Cinta Berahi...and quickly translated into the Beach of Passionate Love, taking the standard meaning of the word Berahi as Passionate...more with attracting the tourist in mind, I think...

...I had a feeling that the gentleman who gave the beach its famous tag is a true-blue Kelantanese with a wicked sense of humour, or someone who had mastered the Kelantanese dialect, knows its people, the traits and customs and was taking a dig...he must have had a devilish smile on when his proposal was approved...

..locals used the word berahi, corrupted to brehi, to mean an intense liking for something..so it is truer to say that Pantai Cinta Berahi means the Beach with a Passion For Love..and that, more or less, described the Kelantanese...people with a fondness for love...for, indeed, we are more known for our amorous deeds than any thing else...

..well, if we take polygamy as a yardstick, Kelantan leads...for the period 1990 to 2004, Kelantan registered the highest number of polygamous marriages... with 5274 cases..(figures from Jakim from a study done by Utusan Malaysia in 2007)...since it is relatively easy to get hitched in Kelantan, and with the generally laidback atitude Kelantanese have for marriages, polygamous or otherwise, I daresay the number of unregistered marriages is about equal the amount registered, if not more..

..in as much as Kelantanese men having no qualms at taking up polygamy, whether openly or covertly, the women, too, displayed a certain degree of practicality when it comes to marrying others' husbands...well...it takes a willing gal before any man can contemplates polygamy..looks like in the state of TGNA, there are many willing girls... perhaps a moot point for those SistersInIslam to ponder...instead of calling for laws making it difficult for men to marry, why not draft laws punishing damsels who agreed to?....I jest, of course, but how about a jail term and rotan?..that will keep polygamy at bay...

..and I do not think that economic consideration is a factor..we have trisha-pedallers and simple village folks with no fixed income practising it as well as those men of means and money...while such marriages tend to be tumultous, women and men being what they are, there are marriages that survived...but the divorce-rate is high..leading at about 15% inclusive of monogamous marriages...

..meanwhile, at the Beach of Passionate Love, the courting goes on.......

..Bachok...tourist Islamic town..?

..I took my teenaged kids to the beach the other day..or rather I persuaded my kids to follow their dad to the beach..kids nowadays would rather do any other thing rather than follow their dad..ah..time when they held on tightly to my pants, wailing loudly, wanting to follow their daddy everywhere he went..when I told them that, they just gave me a clueless look, not remembering...but I digress..

..along the way there was this billboard proclaiming 'Bachok..bandar pelancungan Islam 2010..' it caught my eye as I drove past..not that I have not seen it before..I passed by it everyday on my way to Bachok from home and home is only 4 kms away from Pantai Irama..Islamic Tourist Town?..that was the promise during PRU12th..hmmm..I thought the slogan is at best ambiguous...at worst..well..it is a political slogan... Bachok is as islamic as any other town in Kelantan..and tourists that made Bachok a pitstop for cigarettes and ATM withdrawals hardly gave us a glance, their destination being Perhentian Islands..

..but we do have two banks...CIMB and Maybank..and the district mosque, which is being renovated with funds donated by the then TPM..he came a few days before PRU12..on a Friday..after Friday prayers and after a short speech, he handed the cheque to the Imam...I remember sitting in the back row of the mosque and thinking that the timing was all wrong...he should have handed the money very much earlier...then work would have started and completed earlier and his presence that day was to officialise the newly completed wing...the effect would have been better...as it was, it looked like a sweetener...fodder for the opposition...but the lunch that followed was sumptious...

..the two banks with Pasar Malam on Friday evenings and Pasar Tani on Saturday mornings helped kept Bachok alive..well, to a certain extent..they are popular with the locals and non-locals alike, with some coming from as far as Kuala Krai, the district where Manek Urai is...these two pasars are held by the beach on a piece of Police Reserve land..once, in the 80's, the Balai Police Bachok was there...with a row of Class G quarters..wooden buildings that could hardly withstood the onslaught of the monsoon gale..the lot of the rank and file, then...a salary of RM240.00 per month and quarters with a single room...efforts started by Tun Haniff made them very comfortable, indeed, by any standard...

..the administrative cluster, the Land and District Office, the Fire Department, along with Public Works Department and the Registration Department, is at Kg. Kemudi, about 2 kms from Bachok, the town....there is no District Hospital yet, though plans for it were submitted decades earlier under the Malaysian Plan...but nothing has materialised yet..

..roads in Bachok are unnamed...there are no roads named after Dato Awang Adek, or Jalan Nashamuddin Mat Isa, or Jalan Tuan Guru, for that matter...so, addresses are by Lot Numbers, Kampongs and geographic positions...and imaginations of the sender....'Lot 166, Kg. Kemudi, Depan Pejabat Tanah, 16300 Bachok', as an example...

..I thought it ironic that Bachok, Thai for Ban, kampong, Chak, nipah, has a population of 120,000, by the last count in 2005...almost the same as the population of Orang Asli in the country...and the Orang Asli are better allocated than us...so we shall always be associated with tobacco plantations...the only activity that brings with it immediate economic relief...but now that Tuan Guru has likened smokers to cows, tobacco growing is slowing down...with no feasible alternative in sight...

..Pantai Irama has improved...concrete blocks now lined the shore...holding in check wave erosion...a life-guard tower, manned 24 hours by men from the Civil Defence, was erected..hopefully to check the cases of death by drowning that occurred almost every year during the monsoon season...for the retailers of fried seafood and stuff, concrete structures with proper shelters were provided...there is no more the shanty town atmosphere of old..with the beach generally clean, the pace relaxed and slow, with the district mosque improved...teachings from the Holy Quran almost every night after Magrib...night prayers twice a month, Bachok is heaven and a haven for retirees like me....

..battle weary Itek..scratches and all

..Ayam with her litter..

..cats and stuff..

..when my Fourth Former daughter asked for a kitten as a pet a year ago, I said no.. no, I will not have some furry beast marauding in my house leaving a trail of urine and fur..seeing my firm refusal, she did not pursue her request...though later, I was told that she was crestfallen...and hated me for it..'It's only a kitten, everyone has a cat or two at home...why must papa be so unreasonable?' she pleaded with her mother..until one day we happened to drop by her cousin and was told whilst sipping tea and enjoying her aunt's curry puffs that their pet cat had given birth to two kittens..

..'See, papa...they're so cute...' she gushed, and placed the cat family-in-a-box next to my feet.. I looked down and saw two balls of squirming fur and a pair of bright-yellow eyes looking up at me..the mother cat was trying to tell me something..backed by her younger brother and everyone else present, I gave in to my daughter's plea, little realising that I'd be opening the floodgates ..ok, one kitten only..but in the end I ended up with the whole cat family-in-a-box..'they're still suckling'..'it is only a temporary measure'..the mother will be returned..I was coaxed into acceptance.... by the time I realised what happened, it was too late..the two furry balls grew and scampered into everybody's heart including mine..

..a few months later, the tabby, rediculously named Ayam, got pregnant whilst the tom, Itek, got into various cat fights in the neighbourhood, fighting for supremacy and territory..disappearing in the morning after a hearty breakfast of rice mixed with boiled fish and cat food...slouching and limping home in the evenings, scratched, torned and wounded, to be attended and repaired by my daughter and her mother...many a times I sat from a distance, watching them washed away the grime..applying iodine on the cuts..and marveled at how Itek meekly surrendered his wounds to both of them...

..sometimes in August last year, I woke up for my morning prayers to the twitter of excitement in the kitchen...it was almost six in the morning..mother, daughter and son were crouched animately over the inevitable box...Ayam had delivered her first kitten and was in labour for the rest of her litter..7 in all..Itek left on his daily soujourn, without waiting for his breakfast, and never returned...the excitement of Ayam and her litter turned to anxiety over Itek's disappearance..of the 7, one died..and duly buried with all the aplomb and gravity that children gave when their pet died..

..after three days, the search for Itek began in earnest...the tom that sired seven kittens had disappeared without a trace..talk about not being able to handle fatherhood...we scoured the neighbouring houses....going, 'Itek..Itek..Itek..' to the quizzical looks of the village folks on being told we were looking for our pet tom-cat..but nobody had seen him...cats are known to disappear for months when they're on mate-path, they say..he will return,  they said..my children were gutted..I began to miss him, too..so, we decided to extend the search farther across the road..Pak Hin, a wizened old man, known for his cows, confirmed that a cat that fitted Itek's description had had a fight with his tom early one morning..in the chase, both had fallen into his tobacco-watering well and drowned..he had the carcasses thrown into the river...my daughter and her First Former brother were stupefied...their mother cried..it's only a cat, I said..but I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, too...

..and from then on, we always had cats and kittens in our home..they roamed free in the garden..sometimes even on the roof...they are fed, cared and innoculated, with free healthcare thrown in..with me as ambulance driver during emergencies..but only Ayam, now spayed,  is allowed in the house..but the four Persians had their own room with room  and valet service...the rest had to make-do with the back porch, or any nook and cranny...

..

..blog on..

..it started as a lark..but later, I realised that blogging has its positive points..it soothes as it comforts..like stroking a purring cat..as the words flow it bring with it a sense of appeasement.. releasing pent-up emotions..there is this need to lay bare your soul..and blogging does exactly that..lay bare your very quick..

...it doesn't matter if nobody reads it..it may be lost in oblivion..or it may be read by anonymous readers..perhaps with a smirk..but you don't really care..it is your own private space in cyber world..a mark..a station in cyber land.. where your little idiosyncrasies and your innermost thoughts are revealed to all and sundry..with nary a care..

..my son, remp-it..

..it has always been the rule of the house, strictly enforced by me, that whoever wants to ride a motorcycle or drives a car, for whatever purpose, must do it legal...legal in the sense that  all requirements as laid down by the relevant authorities are adhered too..safety belt or helmets buckled..valid driving licence, road-tax and insurance cover.. including courtesy on the road...

..having four boisterous and hot blooded sons, I thought as a parent, that's the least I can do to combat this rempit thing..

..so I was a lil bit surprised on being told one morning that my would be uitm student son was summoned by the police for a traffic misdemeanor during a night cruise with his friends along Irama Beach..the misdemeanor?..failing to display the P sign at the back of the bike..'aw, pa..I did not realised it had dropped..gum failure..and I got no money to offer him..' he said, by way of answering my raised eyebrows..fearing my wrath, he had pleaded with the hand of the law...he apologised..profusely, I am sure..he grovelled...almost like a cat grovelling at its master's foot, but to no avail...the hand of the law, having writ, will not be stopped...I can see his anger..and I can also see him hardening up against the law enforcers..he felt the summon was undeserved..behind my back, he cursed..

..behind his back, I agreed with him...perhaps the officer should have let him off with a stern warning..show the kid that there is always mercy tempered in the mighty arms of the law..that they're human, too..that they're kid-friendly..if it is too much to expect them to be customer-friendly..

than, perhaps, the kids will learn to respect the law-enforcers..instead of avoiding them like the plague..

..polygamy, anyone...

..it must be the season, again..men in the forties, or pushing forty, 5 or 6 kids in tow, looking for a fresh wife...don't ask for reasons why, for you won't get it...present wife may be good looking, educated, presentable, to say the least..and still, the urge to have the second wife cannot, will not be suppressed...some control the urge well..and got away with secret trysts..clandestine meetings..but ultimately the desire to have it out in the open overcomes all..wife may be gutted to the quick..what has she done wrong?..when no wrong has been committed..where has she failed..when there is no failure on her part..she gives in to her anger and fury...when scorn is not the answer..

..ahh..women...forever drawn towards married men...its ok to marry others husband...as long as others don't marry yours..

..selfbaked man...

..sitting by the verandah, enjoying a piece of self-baked apple-pie..watching the cats romped... a little bit lost in reverie...trying to ignore the news on Bernama TV..looks like another day of suing and contersuing...ah..the ever restless sea..there will be no winners, only losers..and for Bachok, life goes on.. measured and dictated by the seasons of tobacco growing..often punished by a few days of relentless rain..stunting the plants and shrivelling the leaves...bringing unseen tears to strong hearts.. used to toiling under the merciless sun...pumping water and hope from underground springs...but they chuckled over it 

mosques after magrib prayers...making fun of the only life that they knew..no matter how uncertain it may be...they prayed to that one God..forgive me my sins, o Allah...grant me your mercy..your bounty..

..oh, perak..

..Perak has always been close to my heart...it is, after all, the state where I grew up..even though I am a true blue Kelantanese, my teenage years and angst was in Perak..not having a father and adopted by an uncle who was in the civil service saw me in various schools with each of his postings..starting with Clifford School, Kuala Kangsar...mid fifties and Karam Singh Headmaster..later it was to be Sultan Yusuff School, Batu Gajah, Iskander Shah School, Parit and, ultimately in 1959-1960, Anderson School, Ipoh..but Overseas School Certificate was at Methodist Boys School, KL. 

..but Perak left a very strong impression..it was where I had most of my growing up pangs..and memories of Ipoh remained vivid to this day..of a house in Caldwell Road..Ten Commandments at Cathay Theatre..Pasir Pinji and Canning Gardens..and  Cliff Richard's Please Don't Tease...Elvis' Teddy Bear..and Kediaman Mentri Besar...I cycled passed it everyday on my way to school..

..so when this 'kemelut' thing started and Nizar refused to budge from the MB's Residence...I can see in my minds eye the house...and reading about the 'kemelut' almost everyday in the papers and getting further insights from the bloggers, I thought what is happening is totally unPerakian..Perak people are nice and generous people...we mixed easily as children..and I know my late uncle get along well amongst adults...so,what happened?.. has politics changed us that much?..

..a matter of language..

..the missus received a letter from Kurnia Assurrance the other day..something about her car being covered under comprehensive 1st party plan..it is in english..and she could not make out any sense out of it..what with her limited command of the language..and i do not blame her...it uses legal jargon..mentioning schedule..acts...and something about the cover being null and void...unless the car is duefully inspected...i called the local office in Kota Bharu and was told in very simple bahasa that i am to bring the car to their office so that they can take photos  of it for record purposes...

..i chided the lady officer for writing the letter in English...the address is Bachok, for heaven's sake..simple village people..surely you can send them in Bahasa..so that they do not have to take it to school and have the English teacher translate it.."sorry..it is standard ISO letter that we have to use". what's the point of ISO if the target group..your pelanggan..cannot read it?..she evaded my pointed question and just asked me to bring the car along...

..and all this hype and brooha about teaching some subjects in school in Bahasa..We are too English biased in everything except speech...when it comes to letters of substance..agreements..documents..contracts..tenders...they are all in the Queen's language..so,who's promoting the Malay Language?..

.. a daughter in London, England...

..where shall I begin?..she was my third daughter..when she was in Year Six, Primary, and entering her Lower Secondary, her mother and I parted...it was not easy for everyone, especially her..Ida had always been independent..being the third, and left to her devices most times, she had to be...and to top it of, she was accepted into one of Malaysia's premier school for girls...Tun Fatimah Secondary School, Johore...and the general concensus was she was to go..."but I want both papa and mama send me," was her terms...setting out terms at a tender age of eleven..and I said,"ok,"..mama agreed..so,  swords and daggers sheathed, we left together for her first day at Tun Fatimah...

..and later, I was to make frequent trips to Johor Bharu..almost once a month...in my Mazda 626..a 12 hour journey...departing Thursdays and returning Saturdays..journeys made out of guilt and love that was not expressed...a few years later, I was to repeat that journey with her mama..she had landed a Public Services Department scholarship to do a degree in International Marketing...only this time the journey was to Subang Airport, Kuala Lumpur..to send her off to London..she graduated soon enough..but she did not returned..she met Tom, instead..and on a fateful day, a call came..."papa, I'm getting married"..to a native of England..to a Thomas Marsh..and will papa please delegate the power to marry her of to an Imam here in London?..and, somehow, I was not stumped..neither was I flabbergasted..matter-of-fact, I have half expected it..only later was I to wonder..will she ever returned?..

,,on birthdays and birth certificate...

..in truth I do not know when I was born...the exact date or the exact year..being a posthumous child, my late mother's priority was never to register me on giving birth to me...and in those times, the middle 1940's, I don't think she knew the mechanics of how to...so, I was never one who celebrates birthdays...and when later when I was about six or seven, she took me to her younger brother for him to keep, I was more intrigue by the black telephone sitting ominously on the table, than to the handing over ceremony...

..my late uncle promptly made a statutory declaration as to my birth date...the 22nd of June, 1945..and send me to school..Government English School, Kuala Krai...

..but my Indentity Card has it that I was born on the 14th of March...as shown by my IC No:450314-03-0000..that was a mystery that I was unable to solve until to this day...and my my children celebrate their father's birthday on the 22nd of May...and I am not certain how that date comes about...not that it matters to me, one way or the other...fact is I am around and in existence...so I must have been born sometimes..since my late mother was quite certain it was in 1945, at the least I am certain about the year..I can celebrate birth year...which will give me 374 days of celebration..every year...

..those amazing bloggers....

...being a newbie, i am forever amazed at the quality those bloggers out there are capable of...i have surf the blogs..followed a few...and i just cannot fathom how it is that those guys and gals out there can managed to put out such beautiful blogs seemingly just out of a hat..surely they have careers to pursue..husbands to take care..families to look after...yet they still can find the time to churn out high quality blogs...so, where do they find the time..? ..and here i am..a retiree...finding it difficult to slot some time...life is long..but  the days are short.... 

..swine, but not so fine, flu...

..one of our local politician objected to the flu being called swine flu...since it also attacked humans and other animals...that it originated and more prevalent among swines must have escaped his attention...we called it 'selsema babi'.. and i thought the term is direct and to the point...what with the muslim's aversion to the animal..but, of course, if we want to be correct, decorum-wise, we can called it 'selsema khindzer'..if it had oringinate from the cats..then we can called it feline flu...and i thought feline flu has got a nice ring to it...as against canine flu...

..but swine flu sounds a bit sinister, dont you think?

..cataract for the elderly..

...at some point last year, 2008, my left eye becomes blurred...chuan, the guy running a small gold shop next door said it is cataract...and if i dont get medical attention fast...i will go blind...what are advices for if not to be ignored?...until a few months later it turns red...and redder...the local clinic gave some drops...and it turned redder...went to hospital...the young lady doctor gave it a look and referred me to the opthalmologist who scanned my affected eye and promptly had me warded.
..i had gloucoma...

....at some point along life long journey, one have to wonder how much time one has got left...

..daughters and grandchildren..

...with a total of 13 children from 3 mothers, i cannot help but be a lil bit benign and laidback when it comes to children...oh.. i loved everyone of them... that's for sure...with the eldest way past 30 and the youngest just a month past 9..and after having three grandchildren and another three coming...life is now almost coming to a full circle...

..my daughter....auni..

..and so, one day my daughter, auni fatin, came... along with with her uncle and aunt...her aunt, Busu, who is only a couple of years her senior...i brought along a cake, coffe mocha, to mark her birthday a month ago...she was a bit shy as i was a bit apprehensive...we have not met for more than two years..she was with her mother in Kuala Lumpur... and i am in Bachok..she shedded a tear and i had this lump in my throat...

..aging..

....funny how it is that you never really feel you are getting old...your body keeps telling you that it is so...that you are old.. you can see the skin getting flabby..you lose most of your teeth.. eyesight failing... but in your mind...you turn it around in your mind...trying to come to grip with the knowledge that you are old...yet your mind does not feel so...