..pakmat's id..

..I was abnoxious as a kid..I was told that by surviving elders who had the misfortune of taking care of me when I was young...I was also dark..shades of darkness that earned me the nick 'Mat Hitam'...and 'berkudis'...the whole family of skin diseases..and I still bore a crater-like scar on my left leg...it must have been painful then...

..but I do not have too many skeletons in my cupboard...I found it is better to keep an open door policy..and just let the sun shines in and the darkness out...life should be an opened book...not that my book is worth flipping through...keeping secrets about the self is not one of my strong points...as when I had a second wife, and tried to hide it from the first...or my third and tried to keep her hidden from my second...I failed...some stench are too much to shoo away with lavender spray...

..I am poor at controlling my facial expressions...I look angry when I am angry, sad when crestfallen and worried when I am worried...I do not know how to hide my pain...but I know how to share my joy...cats and grandchildren are my constant source of enjoyment...since grandchildren have a way of staying with their parents, I spared some devotion to cats...

..pakmats constant source of happiness..

...of course there are a few regrets..its like looking at the beginning of a rain bow...and seeing all those colours  that emanated from it...some hues may be a bit much..you have added in too much colour as you brushed...with some areas not brushed at all...but its ok....in your mind, acceptable...life is what it is because of the way you are...and, endlessly, you give Him your thanks...