Monday, 7 March 2011

..the age of responsibility and other stuff..

..yes, I have not been blogging much..neither have I been  fbking much...I have been keeping to myself..wallowing in my thoughts.....and I kept those thoughts much to myself whilst jogging at a leisurely pace mornings and evenings.....the rolling sea in the morning have a calming effect on a restless mind....and swaying coconut trees in the evenings kept those thoughts in check..

..I have been called many things in my lifetime..most are not complimentary..but  I took them in my stride...but being called an irresponsible father by a 30year old addict son hurts a little...had he called me that earlier, say when he was 16 or 17, when he was with me,  after his mother begged me to take him as he could not be controlled, I would have reacted to  it..or when he was 13 or 14 , and well ensconsed within his mother's and grandmother's tender loving care, I would have done something about it..as it is he told me when he was 30 and a confirmed addict and upon his failure to solicit money from me...he called me irresponsible years after his mother took him back before he could even sit for his SPM...and had his every whim and fancy catered to, even to the extend of buying him a car, even thought he has no visible means of income, apart from sponging his mother dry.....under the circumstances, there is not much a father can do...except watched from afar...

..but being responsible is a two-sided, sword..it cut both ways..as a kid of about 20, fifty years ago, alone in KL, I was responsible to no one.....marijuana was only 30 cents a stick...and beer a dollar a glass..but with my meagre RM180.00 per mensem salary I stayed clear from both...I hated guys who spewed their innards on the dance floor as I hated youths who were more stoned than the Rolling Stones...I rather made it with the girls...and not having a mother with an interminable pension upon which I could draw upon, or a father, I learned to live within my means...and try to be responsible....to myself...



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18 comments:

jamilah said...

PakMat, at this point in time, there's nothing much you can do but pray for your son. I pray hard every day and night that my children will not fall into drugs...it's the scariest thing ever...

hani@debumelukut said...

Pakmat,
everything hppnds for a reason..God has his own reason for everything..God knows the best.

Cat-in-Sydney said...

Abe Mat,
Hmmm.....hmmmmm.....hmmmm....will he listen to reason now? purrrr....meow!

Tommy Yewfigure said...

Really hard to comment on this, Pakmat. Every parents want the best for their children & it's the biggest heartache for any parents that their own kid could turn out like this.

What u wrote is very true, once our kids passed the age of 18, parents should not be made accountable for their kids' action, just like us when we were growing up.

Don't take it too hard sir, though it's difficult, we must learn to let go.

p/s - hey RM180/month is alot of money back in the 60's....kakaka

hazari. said...

as he is growing up, he'll find a way out for his own. and finally, everything is going to be okay again. well, unless if he insists to stay the same. well, as what my dad told me, parents only will show their children the right way, and after that, it is up to the children. whether to live in positive, or not.

you've tried your best, and i guess everybody around you did, so it's the time to move on. right now it only left between him, and himself.

mamasita said...

Pakmat..I am so so sad to hear of your predicament..it's a lesson to everybody too.

We can only pray hard for our family's happiness..but once they have a mind of their own, we can only control their actions to a certain degree.

Toksahlah rasa hiba sangat yea..teruskan doa kepada Allah SWT supaya anak Pakmat balik ke pangkal jalan.

p.s.. Jog Pakmat jog!! Or walkjog..:D

June Malik said...

pakmat, he is 30 years old behaving like a 3 year old. everyone had done their best in accommodating him. you have done ur best. dont take it to heart of what he says.

pakmat said...

..thank you, guys, for comments and kind words..

Haresh Deol said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Haresh Deol said...

Stay strong Pak Mat.

By the way, I could be making a trip to Kelantan next month or in May. Perhaps we could catch up for the much awaited Nasi Kerabu with budu? :)

Will let you know once I get the dates confirmed.

Tisa Fahmy said...

As far as I'm concerned, for 39years as your eldest daughter, I accepted things they way they were. Not wanting or expecting something too much over the top from both of you. Only love and attention that would have embraced us together. And I'm happy. You are adorable, caring, charming, SMART, and a responsible old coot to me!
Why not? You took my SRP result before I did. You sent me to Kuantan when I studied there. You were there when I worked in KL. You gave me away to my husband now. You took me to clinic when I got sick with that Avanza. You You You..aaaa so many things you've done to me...I love you, Papa.

pakmat said...

....thanks, kak..I always believed that responsibility is a two way street thing..you cannot expecct others to be responsible if you are not yourself..a responsible government can only comes about if the raayat are themselves responsible..and thanks again for calling me smart..I always knew I am..as I know you are..hehehe..

pakmat said...

..gosh, mr. foul..you made my day..eeyess..I like that..let me know..and I will get that kerabu going..

Anonymous said...

salam pakmat, soba la deh? muga satu hari nanti dia insaf...

VersedAnggerik said...

I read this post with a bit of tears in my eyes, as I feel sad for U. I too would not want to be in your shoes in this situation.

But whatever pun, bersabar lah Pak Mat. Anak2 mmg sering menduga kesabaran ibu bapa kerana kitalah yg sebenarnya tempat mereka boleh berkata lepas seisi hati mereka....

Anonymous said...

As you are fond of sayings, here are two just for you - as you sow so shall you reap. Menyesal dulu pendapatan, menyesal kemudian tiada gunanya.

A

pakmat said...

..no, versengerik..I would not want you to be in my shoes..:)..thanks..

..lady a..I would supposed since the time of Adam, we have been reaping the fruits of our sowing..life's trial and tribulation is an endless thing and this constant strife between the sexes will never end until the time is up on Hari Kiamat..unlike most ulamak of today, I have to admit that I am only human with perhaps, marginal threshold to resist temptations ...as it is I am prone to make mistakes and errors..oh, I try to learn from them..and even in my late years, I daresay that I am still learning..but in as much as you r judging me, I try not to upon others.. for I realised with all my inadequacies, who I am..and inasfar as children goes, the parents will always be blamed to whatever that they succumbed to..but I do not subscribed to that fully..no..as an individual you should know what is rigtht and what is wrong..what more what you r no more the budak hingusan that needs guidance..

..regrets?..everyone, except perhaps, frank sinatra, have some regrets..and of course, it is in the nature of regrets that it came after the event..for you cannot regret before doing something..the saying itself is a fallacy..but its ok..you r entitled to your way of thinking as I am to mine..cheers

Anonymous said...

Menyesal dulu pendapatan ... dulu as in years ago rather than now when all is said and done and cannot be unsaid and undone. If you can take the credit for your children's "successes", then, by the same token, you should take the blame for their misdoings. Dari mana anak-anak belajar yang baik dan buruk kalau tak dari mak ayah mereka? So, now, reap what you have sown. Buah yang sedap dimakan ke busuk tapi kena telan jugak? Ciao.

A