..the best shot..

..4A's, 2B's and 3C's  is nothing to shout about..she had warned us earlier that Science is not her cup of tea, but such is the system that for giving a good showing  in PMR, (6 A's), she was streamed into Science...and when she returned C's for Chemistry, Biology and Physics, I was not totally perturbed...when we met at her mother's little hair salon later  in the day, she tried to put up a brave face...she was disappointed..and so was I..I hid mine, but hers showed....she protested when I took her in my arms and gave her a peck on her head...its ok..you have given your best shot...and I love you...for now let us not think too much about it...the future is still there, waiting....it need some re-planning, yes..but it is not bleak...so, chin up...

..Auji, centre, with her cousin and friend..

..pictures..life's reflections..

..Pantai Irama..I love this part of the beach..something about
the soft sand, the lapping waves and the gentle breeze..you feel
at one with mother earth...as you give your thanks to Him...

..the moon setting..

..Ayam..who has staked a claim on a piece of this coot's heart..

..Gem Resort, Trengganu..my second state...I will always be in love
with Trengganu...with its sprawling beaches, over 200 km of them,  places
like Kuala Jengai, Pasir Raja and Tasik Kenyir...Dungun and Jerteh..
keropok lekor and akok manis...

..wife, reading the Book with daughter, Auji..we try to read
a few verses every night..

..Mekbu litter of four..for a blind cat, Mekbu is an exemplary mother..
..she is tender and loving...and caring...for a cat.. 

..niece's daughter, Dayana..infants astound me...I look at them
and see the future that I will not be part of...

..pakmat's first time in a 7 series Beemer...feels like being
in a terrace house with wheels..centre is Tun Rahah's
personal bodyguard..

..picnic with the children and grandchildren..they called their
stepmother Cik Ani..and and pakmat just basked in the warm..

..a slow walk back after the jog..

..listening raptly to the ways of the Haj..hopefully Pakmat
and missus will make it this year...hopefully my appeal
will get the nod from Tabong Haji..

..super moon over Irama's night market..

..a single drop of rain..

.. I fly a starship across the Universe divide

And when I reach the other side

I'll find a place to rest my spirit if I can

Perhaps I may become a highwayman again

Or I may simply be a single drop of rain

But I will remain..

..and I will be back again..

..I am dreaming of a journey that I would make...to the beginning...to the land of an eternal spring..brought forth by the dance of dainty heels...where echoed the first word, Read...

...I am dreaming of being that little drop of rain...and be part of a flood...of a concentrical congregation..

..Lord, grant me...that I may say..

...O my Lord, here I am at Your service, here I am...

..my 66th birthday, Tun Rahah and growing old gracefully..

..pic from thestar online..Tun with Najib, left..

I woke up on the morning of my 66th birthday to a light drizzle..it was 5.30 am on a Monday morning 14th of March..as I opened my bedroom window to let out Ayam, a strong breeze showered my face with raindrops..Ayam froze but I pushed her gently out..a lil bit of rain would not kill you, go pee and poo...but I sat there for a moment at the window sill..recalling a conversation I had a few days earlier with my cousin's wife, Arfah, who is in her mid fifties and a Datin...

..platinum and gold..

..'Mat, I will be in KB from the 13th..by road with two cars...Tun Hajah Rahah will be in KB from the 14th to 16th..by air ETA 11.30 am..a shopping trip for some batek and maybe jewelleries..with her will be a Toh Puan, a Tok Puan and a Puan Sri...please help me with a tentative iterinary with both Pengkalan Kubur and Rantau Panjang thrown in..'

..cultery in Pengkalan Kubur..

 ..I remember letting it all sank it..Tun Hajah Rahah..whom I used to admire as Toh Puan Rahah...the lady of grace and quiet beauty...whom I would be meeting in a few hours time...she must be now more than 70...78 as it turned out...graceful, healthy and strong...and a presence that was very much felt by her regal demeanor...

...and for the next few days, as I watched her banter with her entourage, the sparkle in her eyes, catching glimpses of her humour, I realised that this is what growing old gracefully is all about...her choice of colours is vibrant and youthful..as her choice of designs modern and ageless...


..and pakmat was enthralled..by this woman who was the wife of our late Prime Minister and mother of the present Prime Minister...

..children, kittens and the blame game..

..it is in the nature of children today to put the blame on the parents for their misdeeds..killed a few kittens, stomped and whacked them, heck, came back a few minutes later for another satisfying stomp on the neck..excuse me, and please forgive me, my parents divorced, here's another whack....poww...

..the age of responsibility and other stuff..

..yes, I have not been blogging much..neither have I been  fbking much...I have been keeping to myself..wallowing in my thoughts.....and I kept those thoughts much to myself whilst jogging at a leisurely pace mornings and evenings.....the rolling sea in the morning have a calming effect on a restless mind....and swaying coconut trees in the evenings kept those thoughts in check..

..I have been called many things in my lifetime..most are not complimentary..but  I took them in my stride...but being called an irresponsible father by a 30year old addict son hurts a little...had he called me that earlier, say when he was 16 or 17, when he was with me,  after his mother begged me to take him as he could not be controlled, I would have reacted to  it..or when he was 13 or 14 , and well ensconsed within his mother's and grandmother's tender loving care, I would have done something about it..as it is he told me when he was 30 and a confirmed addict and upon his failure to solicit money from me...he called me irresponsible years after his mother took him back before he could even sit for his SPM...and had his every whim and fancy catered to, even to the extend of buying him a car, even thought he has no visible means of income, apart from sponging his mother dry.....under the circumstances, there is not much a father can do...except watched from afar...

..but being responsible is a two-sided, sword..it cut both ways..as a kid of about 20, fifty years ago, alone in KL, I was responsible to no one.....marijuana was only 30 cents a stick...and beer a dollar a glass..but with my meagre RM180.00 per mensem salary I stayed clear from both...I hated guys who spewed their innards on the dance floor as I hated youths who were more stoned than the Rolling Stones...I rather made it with the girls...and not having a mother with an interminable pension upon which I could draw upon, or a father, I learned to live within my means...and try to be responsible....to myself...



..

..one way driver..

..for that is what we all are..one way drivers..heading along pre-set routes and alleys..heading towards one ultimate end..for some, sooner, for others, later..



...but the flame that burns quietly from within keeps on its unwavering light, without fading....at the end of a long, dark tunnel..I can see the flame..along with the hope that it brings...I might just make that journey yet..Lord, unto you I surrender...