..resting..

..I have been  resting from blogging for the past two weeks..doing nothing except listened to my body..listening to the creaks and groans of old bones..and the soft growl of the stomach..there is this ache in the left shoulder that I ignored..but I got the message..that  I am no longer what I used to be..

..I listened, too, to my wife..and she was telling me about items and things in the house that have served its time, ber, beyond economical repair, but still taking its place in the house..she said it archly, but  I knew she was referring to the old washing machine that gave up on a spin, the transistor radio in the bedroom that still emits it red led lights but no sound, table lamps that became decorative after the bulb would not light up and some bicycles and wheelbarrows rusting outside..

..I hope she was not referring to me...hmm..

..but I followed my fellow bloggers' postings...and enjoyed them silently, with a guffaw here and there..Zenda's protest against KLORR and her favourite bukit..she climbed so high just to wave a red flag?..most wives did it within the safety of their bedrooms..Puteri Kama and her oilriggers..well, there was once a man and a woman..man served in the kitchen whilst woman studied for a degree..against family's wishes got married..two kid later woman wanted out..man not her drum of oil..leaving man gasping in the open sea, fighting the oil spills..Justiffa and her 18yr-old..18yr-olds these days are ripe and ready for marriage..Pak Idrus at his Melaka retreat..and the Siamese twins conjoined at the bottom of the Meow Factor ..and others, of course, that appeared in my blog-roll..but I did not respond with comments..no..I was busy listening to my body...and an ear to my wife..

p/s
..but I watched with elation Tommy's entry into FB.. take care on the tricycle, Tommy...dont forget to hang that L-plate..

..street kids..

..yes, lets put  the blame on the parents..it is easier..after all they are not our children..and we are better  parents for we do not have children who prefer a life on the streets rather than the safe sanctity of the home..never you mind we are never home..and home life to to our children  is only interactions with the nanny and the cook, and perhaps, the driver..and perpetually on the net..for mom is seldom home..neither is dad..they are both busy with their career and the constant chase for the additional rm..

..we never asked whether it is the other way round..had it ever occurred to the Hon. Minister, that in some cases, it is the children who had abandoned their family?..what is a parent supposed to do if their child refused to continue schooling, refused to come home, and preferring instead a life on the streets?..and mom working as a cleaner in a hypermarket and dad a van driver pushing goods all over the place except home?..chained them and locked them in?..

..it is a difficult world that we are living..and for city dwellers who can barely make ends meet, harder..what with the cost of living skyrocketing along with the prices of basic necessities..

..it is a symptoms of a decaying society..removing the kids from the streets will only address the symptoms..but then, since when politicians can look beyond the rise of their eyebrow?....

..degenerative parents and polygamy..

..for the past few days, the NST ran stories about street children who lived in abandon building of the city..children who dropped out from school and family and became denizens of a jungle where it is all concrete..children who made 'pest infected buildings' their home..

..one of their feature writers, Chok Suat Ling, blames it on the parents..Dysfunctional kids are the result of dysfunctional parents. she further wrote that ..'family values and ties are disintegrating..All one needs to do is scan the newspapers....the headlines say it all: Parent sues children..daughter kills mother, stabs father in stomach..newborn burnt to death in garbage bin..senior citizens dumped by son at bus stand...MP takes actress as second wife'..

oh..oh..MP takes actress as second wife..?  come on, CSL..that's a bit like hitting below the belt for us polygamists..and I think an unfair poke against the MP..I mean grouping his marriage to the actress under the same section of the Penal Code as that of daughter killing mother and stabbing father..newborn burnt to death in garbage bin...and senior citizen dumping son at bus stand..

..I see him a little foolish with the actress, yes, but I am sure he will try his utmost to keep his family values and ties intact..and I am certain he is far from being a dysfunctional parent..

..oh, well, to quote Aminah Assilmi, a newly convert, who added a disclaimer to her Syahadah due to her initial ignorance..I bear witness that there is no god but God and Mohammed is His Messenger...but if my husband takes another wife, I will castrate him...

..

..growing old gracefully..

...growing old gracefully is too common a cliche..like that '50 the new 30' thing..meaningless..a new age terminology that confuses rather then enlightens..and I do not even know what it means..this growing old gracefully thing..or how to..

..but you have to have the gift of, or blessed with, longevity before you can grow old, whether gracefully or otherwise..I like to think of it as an acceptance of aging..that slowly you are losing your faculties, and slowly but surely heading towards senility..an acceptance of your fading health..for health has a direct bearing  towards this growing old gracefully thing..

..ultimately, it is about choices..decisions made not whilst your are old, but those choices that you made before being old..myriad of little, insignificant choices that you made much earlier, seemingly  irrelevant then but getting a more prominent view now in your latter years..for, indeed, thou shalt reap what thou hath sown..

..things like those documents that you signed..(I ended being a bankrupt for the past 25 years..but back then it was nothing)..the food you take..the drinks you drank..and, most importantly, the friends that you keep.. and,of course, the persons you marry..

..it is a question of being able to do the things you like to do..but in a limited way..

..so, I supposed I may have become a bit recalcitrant, but in an odd way, I must be growing old gracefully..

..I missed my children..

..sometimes unfathomable feelings pervaded this old coot..like this evening when I accompanied the missus to Mydin Hypermarket, Kubang Kerian..she was looking for hooks and materials for her curtains,  I was looking for something to eat..as I settled myself with a plate of nasi kandar and teh tarik, resigning myself to a long wait,  a litle girl, barely four, caught my attention..she was playing catch-me-if-you-can with her elder brother, barely six..oblivious to the crowd, she was laughing and running..

..she reminded me of my first daughter..no, she reminded me of those times when I had children her age..it was then that I realised..I missed my children..I missed them when they were children..

..I missed those growing up times of theirs..when they were too young to know between what was right and what was wrong, and yet, old enough to know and called me 'pa'..yes, I missed those lullaby times, and 'sh..sh..times when they cried..and I missed waking up nights to changed their napkins and made milk for them..I missed their complete trust in me..and their unwavering love for me..I missed those little hands clasping mine..

..maybe we can try for a baby, I said to the missus, as she joined me and broke my reverie..she laughed as she tried a spoonful of nasi kandar..'We can try for twins,' she said, straight-faced...at 65, even the wife does not take you seriously anymore..

..you are my sunshine..

..a song that I grew up with..a song that I hummed along from the moment I learned how to hum..and it was recorded by everybody, from Gene Autry in the 40's to present day Martina McBride..and I can never get over it.
...from Louisiana, folks,  a song I used to sing whilst strumming a kapok guitar over a bonfire at some secluded beach on some island off the coast of Trengganu..and would, again, at Pantai Irama, given half the chance..:)



..enjoy your weekend..

..and the rain came..

..after some weeks of relentless sun, it rained in Bachok this evening,..there was no indication of it at noon..the sun blazed in all its glory..but by 6.30 the sky darkened..a few tentative drops sent the cats scampering for shelter..Mekbu gathered her litter of two kittens onto the front porch..the first few drops sent dusts from weeks of sun spewing into the air..by the  time I opened the sheltered doors of the tv area to let the strong, cool breeze in, it was a steady downpour..

..but 40 years ago, on the 31st of May,1970, there was not a drop of rain when I got married, not even some distant thunder from a forgiving sky...only the loud thumping in my heart as I sat facing the imam...I cannot recalled much the events that led to the nuptials..once The Big Gun of Kubang Kerian consented, things just thundered along..forms filled, money raised, date fixed and leave approved..the ceremony was on the 1st of April..and I think, amongst them only Audrey and I knew of its significance..

..the big gun of Kubang Kerian..

..I cannot remember when it was that I proposed to her..I must have asked her to marry me at every opportunity that we met..we could be talking about things irrelevant and I would just slipped in with a 'marry me..' and tried to look intensely into her eyes, trying to detect assent when there was none...that I never tried to win over the one person most important in her life, did not help..though friends told me that it was 'mother to begin and daughter to win..'  I was too busy winning the daughter and neglecting her mother..

..but help came from an unlikely source..

..holding sway over family matters then, were my step-grandmother, Wan Nik Sah and her husband,  my maternal grandfather, Tok Ayah Long..whilst Ayah Long was affable and easygoing,  being from Tanjong Rimau, Melaka, it was Che Wan Nik Sah, a true blue Kelantanese,  who ruled over the realm..I called her the Big Gun of Kubang Kerian..her words were like decrees..to be heeded and taken note..

..it was not long before the news of my designs upon Audrey reached her ears..not being one of  her favourite 'cucu's' I awaited with abated breath her verdict, regretting those prankful days as a kid when  I was with her, those few moments when I was left to my own devices by my widowed mother, causing her ire by needless chasing of chickens, climbing of trees and generally running amok in the padi-fields surrounding the house..

..the house in Kubang Kerian that my late grandfather built..the original had concrete stairs similar to those houses  you see in Melaka..and I can see myself singing 'Engkau Laksana Bulan' on the concrete stairs together with my cousins one full moon night..the picture above showed the house after it was repaired and renovated by his youngest son, Kassim.. the property has since been sold and awaiting its time before being pulled down..

..Mesjid Sultan Ismail Petra, Kubang Kerian, across the road, in front of the house...

..and her verdict was not long in coming..she told Audrey's mother that she had no objection to the pairing..

..whilst whooping amongst the clouds, I couldn't believed my ears..

..her mother relented..and suddenly, I realised that I did not have the money to marry..

..sheesh...I was caught without my spurs..