Thursday, 23 July 2009

..wistful thoughts..

..when you came back with a degree, 3 years ago, I was quietly proud of you...but your sisters had warned me that you were in love..and I said, ok, that's a fair position to be, considering you were young...'in love with a foreigner, pa, a Thai'...I shrugged..her sister married an Englander..

...but upon being told that he helped in the kitchen at a restaurant where you had your meals in between studies and he was lil bit younger than you, I thought you had to draw the line somewhere..but even then, I kept my peace...puppy and transitory, I thought..

...every time we met at your mother's house, I tried to joke you out of it..but you were steadfast in your love for him..even as I warned you that it will be a rough ride ahead..what with both of you jobless..not that I was really worried about you..with your degree, and passable command of English, some firm will take you in..but him? basic qualifications to show and with a social visit pass to boot?

..he can get a job here in Kota Bharu as a cook...and I can get a job anywhere..for I will and must marry him, pa, you said...your voice soft, your doe eyes pleading..'and we can stay here..' Here meaning the house that I had left..I glanced at her mother, who would welcomed him... her silence was consent...but a PATI as a son-in-law?..I did not even know where he was from...from the restive south, you said..hmm..a refugee seeking shelter from your generous heart...

...I did not mind him being a cook...he might even make it into the Asian Food Channel..but both of you were too young...and him younger....and he was definitely not in a position to support a wife..looking at him, I did not think he was even in a position to have a girlfriend...this part man part boy stood in front of me...and I sat there with my mind racing..why is it that you keep seeing reflections of your youth in your children?..., three years later, two precious and precocious grandchildren later, you tell me that it is a mistake...your marriage is falling apart... he is out of do not love him anymore...he is not what you thought he want out..., girl, it is not that easy..yes, marriage is a gamble..but you do not gamble the lives of your children by divorcing his father...not when the girl is only a few years old and the boy babystepping...

... there is not a man born yet who can satisfy the needs and requirements of a woman..none..there will be just have to learn to live with it..take the rough with the smooth... are chickening out, girl...jumping ship at the first sign of a storm...and you have a passenger of two...and this oldster of a grandfather is putting off meeting you...hoping somehow this aberration will disappear.. was only yesterday that I picked you up and duh duh you to sleep and you holding tight onto the pacifier....


marwan said...

Salam, Pak Mat.

One thing that young people should foresee is that things would come round in time.

And that someday they will hear themselves saying the same words their fathers did.

I know. I do.

p/s: You got yourself a new regular reader, Pak Mat.

afah said...

..thank you, sir marwan...feel free to roam as i had yours..and have been smoke free for the past 3 yrs now..and that's about the only achievement that i can speak about ..and, sir marwan, you got yourself a regular reader, too..

elviza said...

Salam Pak,

Ahhh... I love this heart-to-heart post between father and daughter.

Late Ayah used to say to me: "girl, in my eyes no one is good enough to marry you but that's okay. You will pick your husband with your head first then your heart. After that, you will lay on that bed you made."

I had no inkling then as to what he meant, but now I do, I really do.

I think the best lesson in this post is: don't abandon ship at the first sign of the storm. Loaded with truth, it hurts.

afah said...


..tq for stepping in..saw yours in too many blogrolls to what I saw..a lil bit proud, for my dot..she married with her heart..and only now using her head...and this oldster is at wits end..God give me guidance..InsyaAllah..

marwan said...

We have one thing in common already, pak mat. I have been smoke-free too. Since Chinese New Year 2005.

And I've been telling people in the same exact words too - "the only real achievement" I have ever accomplished. Hahahah.

The second real achievement since then is what I'm doing now: trouser size 36 from the previous 42!

As for my own blog, pak mat, I'll try to be as prolific as you are.

Oldstock said...

Salam Pak Afah,

I do not wish to seen as smart to be giving advice about your daughter's problems. Perhaps just a humble view, if I may.

Your daughter is fated to learn things the hard way. If the marriage is destined to end in breakup, then she had to be to the consequences, the difficulty she's going to face, the hardships that will come her way. Make sure she fully understands the situation... no whining and grumbling. And if you can make her understand this, then you should give her your full support.

Kesilapan dah berlaku, Pak. Mudah-mudahan langkah seterusnya akan menghasilkan kebaikan pula. Best wishes.

afah said...

..salam, Oldstock..appreciate your humble view..yes, it was a mistake..but I am trying to save the marriage..much against my inner I had consented to the marriage earlier..but ultimately..I may have to think long term...thank you again..