Tuesday, 31 May 2011

.children and fathers leaving homes....

...rare moments...jogging together...
..there comes a time when children leaves home, for some reason or other..all too soon all those space and rooms added became empty and bare..the din and cacophony of siblings rivalry became silent...and parents, middle-aged or older, like pakmat, went throught a kind of a withdrawal phase..when they can only look at each other with no words uttered..and waited anxiously for that phone calls or text messages..

...it was slightly different for pakmat...

...I left home before the children did..a year before that I had taken on another wife..the constant quarrels culminated into a divorce...I remember leaving with my bagful of clothings and two cars..there were indignant tears..and compressed fists..my other wife kept her peace..the eldest two left for UITM Kuantan and Jengka Pusat..the third left for boarding school, Johor at the tender age of 12th...and I left home...to return as a father but not as a husband...an ex-wife does not forgive easily but as a father I took it within my stride..for the moment, on this planet earth, they are my children...no matter what..as if to prove a point, I took on another wife..which, of course, does not resolves and solves anything..

..which is to say that I am missing my children, no matter who their mother is....which is also to say that no matter how grand the design and schemes, old age will make a man frail....and short of breath...and weak of strength...along with bones that creak...for benign Father Time spares no one...

...which does not stop me from making a one thousand and one hundred fifteen kilometer round trip to Tangkak, Johor with a stopover in Dengkil, Kuala Langat, Selangor, and looked up my youngest daughter, Auni Fatin...she is barely thirteen, a young lady who is taking music lessons..the day I was there she played 'Heartaches By The Number' and old country song by Ray Price...I remember smiling..unknowingly and innocently, she took a poke at her papa..

9 comments:

irenewynn said...

Alhamdulillah, you are an 'involved' father whereas I am left to handle my brood on my own as I see fit. You divorce a spouse but the children are yours till the end of your life, kan Pak Mat?
But over 1K km..wahhh..not only is your GPS papago, so are you..Papa-can-still-go.. Haha..

June Malik said...

they are lucky to have you :)

MA said...

I like this entry. I think I will send this link to my Ex. I have long forgiven him - but not since forgotten.

I often wondered when a man leaves his children in a divorce - how his conscience gnaws in him.

"..which is also to say that no matter how grand the design and schemes, old age will make a man frail..."

Well said.

Zendra-Maria said...

Wow,,, beach-jogging? You're much more energetic than you're letting us on, Pakmat.

Cat-from-Sydney said...

Abe Mat,
...hmmm....my Mama and Dad couldn't get any GPS to work to track me down when I ran away....purrr....meow!

jamilah said...

Suffering from empty nest syndrome too...sigh...

Anonymous said...

Salam Pak Mat,

Your children are yours (hence your responsibility)no matter what. If only divorced parents would get that. Sadly, some don't. And even more sad, they will suffer the consequences much, much later.

A

Anonymous said...

I always wonder, why after fights, divorce, children affected..but still continue with taking another women? When because of that lah, problems arised.

To some extent i think this is where men degrades polygamy for personal usage and degrade women. Women are used for escapism. These other women you take normally wud be younger. Younger women the trend now, nak senang cepat. Who cares abt being 2nd, 3rd or 4th..as long as she gets money, house and other benefits from older, capable and financially able man for her.

The reason mentioned here and is that men have greater responsibilities in life and after life. However, let me point you a fact. When u marry or have relationship wth these other women besides your main or 1st wife, you did not think of getting yourself more responsibilies to help the world or society..are you?

ya..when old age comes..regrets and senses come downing on you..for afterlife may come any time now..and you start to think about God. However, along your life innocent women, children were affected and their life could have been spared of the hearfaches and pain..if they dont forgive, you will carry that sin which was created by some men in your afterlife..

pakmat said...

..salam anon 19Sept..yes, God gave me longevity that I may regret at leisure..:) cheers and take care..