.children and fathers leaving homes....

...rare moments...jogging together...

..there comes a time when children leaves home, for some reason or other..all too soon all those space and rooms added became empty and bare..the din and cacophony of siblings rivalry became silent...and parents, middle-aged or older, like pakmat, went throught a kind of a withdrawal phase..when they can only look at each other with no words uttered..and waited anxiously for that phone calls or text messages..

...it was slightly different for pakmat...

...I left home before the children did..a year before that I had taken on another wife..the constant quarrels culminated into a divorce...I remember leaving with my bagful of clothings and two cars..there were indignant tears..and compressed fists..my other wife kept her peace..the eldest two left for UITM Kuantan and Jengka Pusat..the third left for boarding school, Johor at the tender age of 12th...and I left home...to return as a father but not as a husband...an ex-wife does not forgive easily but as a father I took it within my stride..for the moment, on this planet earth, they are my children...no matter what..as if to prove a point, I took on another wife..which, of course, does not resolves and solves anything..

..which is to say that I am missing my children, no matter who their mother is....which is also to say that no matter how grand the design and schemes, old age will make a man frail....and short of breath...and weak of strength...along with bones that creak...for benign Father Time spares no one...

...which does not stop me from making a one thousand and one hundred fifteen kilometer round trip to Tangkak, Johor with a stopover in Dengkil, Kuala Langat, Selangor, and looked up my youngest daughter, Auni Fatin...she is barely thirteen, a young lady who is taking music lessons..the day I was there she played 'Heartaches By The Number' and old country song by Ray Price...I remember smiling..unknowingly and innocently, she took a poke at her papa..

..the best shot, part 2..

..auji shopping for bags, towels and stuff with her mama..

...life is always about  making decisions...and for Auji, I know she is finding it hard, not really knowing what is best for her...her teachers were of not much help either, giving conflicting opinions...she retreated into her room for a few days, with her netbook continuously on Korean dramas...her mother gave me a warning look...and I refrained...sheesh...and I thought being accepted into Kolej Matrikulasi Johor for a year is something of a celebration...

..but when she said she is turning it down and sit for STP instead,  I hunched my shoulders and took her aside...

..I have nothing against STP, Diploma or whatever she wants to do with her life..But which father or mother would sit quietly by without trying to put their toe in when it comes to their children's future?..I have to say my piece..and you better remove that plastic wads from your ears and listen up...

..matric is the formal process of entering a university...it is as simple as that..in some countries it is equivalent to the completion of Form Six...in your case, it is an accelerated preparatory course of one year leading to you entering a university, and thereon ends with you acquiring a degree..hopefully in a field of your choice...

..now, you can begin your tertiary education with STP or Diploma..after two or three years...failing which you can fall back on your STP or Diploma...and look for a job, or a husband..unlike matric..if you fail, you have nothing to fall back to, except your SPM...but you will not fail, because you have shown that you are willing to work hard...we will give you all the support you need...take your time to reflect...you have been given a chance..a chance that comes once..take it..grab it...and give it your best shot..and show me that scroll in five years..go, girl...you can do it, as I know you can...

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