..past and future..

..they say as a man grows older, older meaning approaching 70 like me, all he has left are memories...and he has no more future to think about...which is true in part...true in that he is way past his days of usefulness...swung through his shelf life...and deemed no longer worthy of credit by the banks...and so, I try not to think too much of the future..preferring, instead, to live from day to day...and making plans one or two weeks ahead...only when you are nearing the end, do you really appreciate this gift of life...and I give my thanks to Him for each new day that I woke up to...

but to say that I have no future is not true, of course...I planned...to the end of my days...and beyond...for  beyond the end of my days is my future....and God willing, He will grant me a better future....

..the zenith of my life...doing the haj..

..but as to how far back my memory takes me, I am not too sure...I have no memories of being a toddler..but I remember being a child of about four or five years old...plunging into a brook, Sungei Keladi, of Kampong Keladi, Pasir Puteh...along with similar aged friends, stark naked, and was promptly swept away by the swift flowing river...and I remember someone who was bigger than me grabbing me by the hair and pulling me out, gasping for air...only later, as an adult, did I realised that he had saved my life...and even then, as now, I did not know who he was...

..pakmat's future..granddaughter, Saerah..

...I always say that in little children you see the future...which, perhaps, explain my fondness for little children...for they will grow up into a future of which pakmat will not be a part of...but that is the way as it should be...immortal in our mortality...with our children and children's children carrying on where we left off...

..

..my first mother in law..

..a man with more than a single wife, will also have more in-laws...thankfully, for pakmat, balancing among in-laws is not a arduous as with wives...no matter what they say about in-laws, I found mine none of the abnoxious and overbearing things as they were made out to be....no...all of mine were supportive and non-partisan...as a woman will never forgets her first, whatever that is, pakmat remembers  his first mother-in-law rather fondly...

..she died on a Thursday, 5th of July, 2012, some minutes after ten in the morning..she was my mother in law that everyone called Mok...she was 86, and mother to my first wife whom my children, taught not to mince words, called, in my presence,  'my ex'...as Tom, my son-in-law, would say it, nanny to her 7 grandchildren..

..she was the wife of a policeman...and was widowed some years back before her death when her husband died on the 26th of July, 1998..my ex was her only child...but sometimes in her teens, her late father took on a second wife, who duly had a pair of male twins...I know my ex revolted, from the stories that I heard, but Mok took one of the twins and treated him as her very own...he was showered with love and care..

..my first daughter, Tisa..tok's pet..

..Tok with my third daughter, Ida..

...ex with her cucus reciting the Yasin over Tok's grave..

..may she always be blessed..

..with Ebok..

..Mok was loved my all..this son-in-law included..she was always gentle and hardly had a harsh word for anyone..not even for her madu...least of all, her husband, whom, on the main, remained in Johor with his second wife, whom we called Moksu, while she was with her daughter in Kota Bharu....until her daughter met me in 1967...she resisted me in the beginning...which gave truth to the adage 'mother to begin, daughter to win..'  but she relented and we were married on the 1st of April, 1973...

..hotsprings..

..it was hardly a river..it was more of a brook than a creek, hardly 3 feet deep at some points...but it is tantalisingly clear and sandy...and it curves and turns like a benevolant serpent through the forest...and pakmat was charmed...enough to make repeat visits...

.and  the hot spring that spurts out through some rocks on a mount that banks the river is collected in a mini pool...it is solid rock and it is hot...hot enough to keep away the kids...but not enough to keep away pakmat...who emerged fresh and warm after several dips...

..but I am no more the gung-ho youth of before...though I did let my hair down, or whatever is left of it, there is still decorum befitting an old man to think about...I dipped and waded...but I did not convoluted or attempted somersaults...I just absorbed  the peaceful surroundings...and praised the Lord for my endearing health...

..the verdant trees and flowing stream reminded me of Mekkah...the stark contrast did...and the soft, billowing breeze that flowed through the trees was like the breeze that I encountered as I tawafed the Kaabah...

..Praise be unto You, Lord...for, indeed, Your Bounty is endless.....

..rocky bubu...and a thing about cats..

..my belle..ayam..

...I was never into cats as a kid or when I was a struggling youth trying to carve out an existence in Kuala Lumpur in the early sixties...cats were just..cats.....I did not care much about them and generally, they kept their distance from me....I was more into girls...they were the object of my dreams and fantasies..But I did not made any headway with them, either...girls of my age were just not interested in boys my age...and girls younger than me were not interested in anything...and I was only good for running errands with the older girls...

..and the late itek..

..it was only upon marriage and two kids later that cats entered my life...but they did not figure much...we were in Terengganu, and there were the beaches, stretches of beautiful beaches...and tantalising islands within the horizon...they cats were there, somewhere in the background, getting a rub or a pat as I rushed about busy as a servant of the government, a father and a husband...

..taking care of sick rocky bubu..

..but later, much later, three marriages, two divorces and 13 children later, the cats came in...a daugher in Form Three and her two years younger brother from my second marriage, about the only marriage that I have now, started it...they wanted some cats in the house...at least two...

..rocky bubu when first found...

...a house without cats is lonely, they said..and you both are not going to have babies anymore...
...hey, your father is not yet over the hill...its your mother...
...yes, they said...they still want a cat or cats...

.it was 2007..I was a retiree for 6 years..the eyes have stopped roving but the mind has not...might as well focus on some felines of the furry kind...its safer...and less tiring..or so I thought...

..before he turned sick..

..and so it was that we had ayam and itek...two furry balls that rolled straight into my heart...and when itek drowned a year later, there was not a dry eye in the house...

..giving bubu a wash from his  own excrement..

...cats are here to stay...and I believed that I became a better person because of them....and when my health improved, my wife and children said that it was because of the cats...and I agreed...

..

...cny reunion dinner..

.....we had a family reunion dinner of sorts last night...which is nothing unusual, of course....but since it was Chinese New Year eve, it could very well be a Chinese family reunion dinner...but ours is a multicultural society and I had always been a multi-cultural man, so last night, it was a most natural thing to do...the children were excited and chose the venue...Restaurant Satay Malaysia, and upbeat satay joint along Jalan Pengkalan Chepa...but ours were not the only family intend on having a reunion dinner last night, judging from the rows of cars parked...and anxious customers waiting for tables  to be cleared..

..going through the menu..

..time for some pictures..

....food were served in batches, and we waited almost an hour for it to arrived...but it was ok...we were just too happy to be together to let the late arrival of food to bother us...it was Chinese New Year...and tomorrow the Chuan awaits us with roti jala and chicken curry..

..68 and beyond..

...I will be 68 in a few weeks time...not that it really matters for I am not one who places much importance on dates, anniversaries and such stuff...it must have been my upbringing...growing up in a family where there were no blowing of candles or cutting of cakes has made me into what I am today....a little bit cynical in outlook... a little bit rye with a dash of sacarsm...it  does not put a stopper on aging, of course...but that's ok..I just realised that in every old man such as me,  lurks, in thoughts and in the soul, a young man...we are what we think we are...the colours may fade...the gums shine without its pearly whites...hairlines recede or thin into shining white...less on spring but sprightly...yes..I am that young man when ever and where ever I am...it takes but a chuckle, a glance and a smile and I am that 26year-old again...dashing out that cha-cha steps to Cherry Pink and Blossoms White...